An End and a Start
by Paper Pearls
Summary: The war draws closer and as life becomes harder, Remus finds a respite in his budding friendship with Luna Lovegood, recently rescued from the Death Eaters. Set during DH.


**This is my response to day 10 of **_**Siriusly Smart's**_** iPod challenge and Bree-utiful's "Different Kisses/Gestures" challenge. It is Rena (Remus/Luna to non fangirls), my favourite pairing. Nymphadora **_**who**_**? It's slightly AU, because the Order is still in Grimmauld place. HBP & DH compliant.**

**OoOoO**

"_I'm not always like this;_

_It's something I become._

_A terrible weakness,_

_In my nature – in my blood._

_Save me, oh save me, save me from myself."_

_-Imogen Heap, 'Glittering Clouds'_

For years Remus had been adamant that he would never be in a lasting relationship – when he had first expressed this view, Sirius had looked at him in surprise, patted his back, laughed and exclaimed in delight that _"Moony's a player!"_, which he had ignored – and it was not because he didn't want a long term love. It was because he was scared. Remus knew that even when the moon was not full and round in the sky, swollen with his darkest fears, that the wolf always lurked beneath the surface. He was a wizard, with the morality and sense of responsibility that came with being human, but it was a part of him. The wolf was ever present. It was not as strong as his own will, yet it was powerful enough that it could leap through into his consciousness for the briefest of moments.

He was terrified of what he could become. Above all else; the agonising transformations, ceasing to be Remus John Lupin, the wounds and scratches that he woke up with, Remus dreaded one thing more than any other: hurting someone. Never had there been anyone allowed close enough for him to damage, and never had there been any witch who had tempted him to break his strict policy about having nothing too serious.

Until _her._

_Luna Lovegood_.

She had returned from her captivity as silent, pale and mysterious as some kind of fey creature; half woman, half oracle. There had always been something magnetising about her eyes, so bright and blue, but after being held prisoner they held a terrible gravity; a wisdom too great for her short years.

Remus felt her watching him and looked up, offering her a brief smile before continuing with his soup. The corners of her mouth twitched, making Remus think that in a way it was though a marble statue had come to life. All thoughts of dinner fled from his mind, and he watched as Luna shied away from Molly's efforts to double her portion. Her smile faded as Molly's attempts to load her plate became more insistent. Although he couldn't hear what was being said, Remus understood that despite her good intentions, the Weasley matriarch could prove wearing. He understood that Luna was stronger than Molly suspected. He understood that Luna was hurting.

When she excused herself a short while later, Remus watched her glide out of the kitchen and disappear into the shadows of the corridor. He was jolted back into the conversation by a polite cough from Kingsley. Reluctantly, Remus forced his thoughts back to the escalating war and managed to articulate an opinion.

"I'm not certain that's the best strategy we could employ... think of what would happen if they got wind of it beforehand." There was a pause as everyone seated around the table considered their various losses. Remus closed his eyes and rested his face in his hands, suddenly more tired than he had felt in a long time. _When had life become an endless focus upon death? _All he wanted was for it to be over. The fire crackled in the grate, its flames roaring in the prolonged silence.

Remus looked around him to see if its noise bothered any of the others. Arthur was sharing a concerned glance with Molly, but neither of them seemed to be aware of how loud, how warm the fire was. Tonks was looking intently at her teacup, her hair a comparatively conservative shade of black. His senses were choked by the smell, taste and, heat of the fire.

Only his. Only the wolf's.

He needed the soothing embrace of the night; the familiar sight of the sky, glittering with stars, as soft and as comfortable around him as a familiar cloak.

Remus stood. His chair scraped against the wooden flooring, drawing more attention to him than he wished for. Muttering his apologies, Remus strode from the room and through the town house. He padded softly through the darkness, unwilling to disturb the peace. When he passed the mirror adorning the wall of the drawing room, he averted his gaze. Not before he had seen the amber flicker of animal intelligence behind his eyes. He walked faster.

When, finally, he reached the doorway to the small, unkempt garden, Remus ached with relief. Placing a hand against the flaking wooden door, he pushed it open and inhaled deeply. The air was cool in his lungs, the greenery that created a feeble pretence of nature not keeping the metallic tang of the city at bay.

He caught sight of a lone figure, a woman who seemed to reflect and magnify the moonlight that spilled down from between the clouds. _Luna_. The silvery blonde of her hair was incandescent. Luna's back was to him, arms folded protectively around her body. She was shivering slightly, which came as no great surprise considering that she was wearing a flimsy sun dress. As he moved closer, Remus noticed that her feet were bare.

"Are you cold, Luna?" Remus spoke more because he felt obliged to announce his presence than any other reason. She turned, blinking sleepily as though she had just emerged from a trance.

"My skin is, but I don't think so." Her hair blew gently in the breeze, causing her to tuck a strand behind her ear in a startlingly girlish motion. It took a moment for him to understand Luna's meaning.

"Ah..." Removing his tweed jacket, Remus wrapped it around her shoulders. Briefly, he considered recommending that she should take care to wear warmer clothes, but dismissed the idea as soon as it came to him; it was pointless. If Luna was impervious to Molly's coddling, then she was unlikely to listen to his halting suggestions.

"Thank you." She gave the same wan smile he had seen across the dinner table. As he looked into her eyes, Remus was struck by the sudden desire to confess how caged he had felt in the confines of the stuffy dining room.

"You're welcome." He had opted for a simpler response, and yet Luna looked at him as though she knew exactly what he had been thinking.

"Did anyone mind that I left so suddenly?" A car passed by in the distance.

"No, not at all. I think Molly was quite worried about you, but then..." He put his hands in his pockets and shrugged as though to say that she always would. They lapsed into a relaxed silence. The garden was overgrown, the bushes tangled into one another and the grass reaching halfway towards his knees. It was not well cared for, but there was something pleasant about it nevertheless.

"Remus?" Luna wasn't looking at him, instead staring resolutely up at the crescent moon. "Do you ever think about what's going to happen?" Her voice was quiet. Without the wolf inside him, Remus wouldn't have picked up on her words.

A lone tear rolled down her cheek. She looked so vulnerable and lost that Remus didn't bother debating the wisdom of such an action before he gathered her into his arms. He stroked her back in a repetitive motion, trying valiantly not to notice how silky her hair felt, or how Luna smelled like the earth just after rain stopped falling. Luna's head rested against his shoulder, the occasional sniffle causing her to shake. When he felt that she was calm enough, Remus answered the question.

"Of course I do. There's a bleak road ahead of us, Luna. I try to think of those who were dear to me, how bravely they fought, in the hope that I can do the same for them." _James_. _Sirius_. The truth was disconcerting, but instinctively Remus knew that it was what she needed. Luna had shown a resilience and strength that not every witch or wizard could claim. "And there are days when I want it all to end, either way, just so long as it all stops. Perhaps it's weak of me to-"

"It's not." Luna looked up at him, fixing Remus with her enigmatic eyes. "It's perfectly human, and it makes you strong because you don't ever give in to despair."

Human. _Did Luna know what raged inside of him?_ _Was that why she had used _that_ word?_

She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a gentle kiss against his cheek.

"We're friends now, I think." Luna spoke as though this pleased her, as she returned to her previous position. Maybe it was strange – it definitely was unlikely – but Remus too was glad of their new friendship. It was a simple thing, but it made him happy.

"Yes. We're friends." Although his arms grew tired, Remus continued to pat her back. It was soothing to both of them. They remained in the garden together until the sun began to edge over the horizon.

**OoOoO**

Slowly they fell into a pattern. When he had free time, Remus would meet up with Luna, and for a while their quiet discussions allowed him to focus on the fact that he was alive, as opposed to the possibility of dying at any given moment. The house was filled with Sirius' ghost, and although his friendship with Luna allowed him to enjoy aspects of the present, Remus longed for the past. He missed the easy camaderie of Sirius. His death was the most recent and perhaps devastating of all that Remus had experienced; he had been granted so little time with Sirius after they had been reunited, which had re-opened the gaping wound left by what he believed to have been the cruellest of betrayals.

Their mission had been intelligence unsuccessful, and it was on days such as this that Remus was more inclined to sink into periods of melancholy. Mercifully the library was empty when he had stepped through the door. Remus made a beeline of the polished mahogany drinks cabinet and pulled out a bottle of scotch, which was covered by a thin layer of dust. Blowing on the glass, Remus was gratified to find that in his possession was a bottle of Ogden's Finest. He splashed a liberal quantity into one of the crystal tumblers sat out on display on top of a silver tray, recalling Sirius' delight as he had pictured Walburga's reaction to a werewolf using the Black family heirlooms.

Remus sank onto the couch nearest the fireplace and pulled out his wand, summoning what was one of his most prized possessions; a photo album documenting the happiest years of his life. He drank deeply from his glass, savouring the rich taste of the beverage as it passed through his throat, and watched as the slightly battered tome dropped onto the arm of the seat. He stroked the cracked black leather with the affection often reserved for animals before flipping the cover open.

Looking down at the fist photo – him, James, Sirius and Peter lined up near the lake at eleven years of age, their friendship new and budding – Remus was struck by the amazement in his own eyes, how after a few moments spent waving enthusiastically, the boy Remus would cast a surreptitious glance to either side as though to make sure that the others were really with him. His childhood had been a lonely affair, and he hadn't expected Hogwarts to be any different.

It had changed everything about him. Hogwarts had been where he had experienced acceptance into Gryffindor house, made his first friends, learned to laugh, excelled in his classes and become a man. Remus froze, overwhelmed by a reality without his friends. So engrossed was he in his reflections that Remus didn't notice as the door opened. He did notice that, if he looked up ever so slightly, he could see Luna's feet, bare yet again, sinking into the plush carpet. Remus couldn't bear to look up, to have her wise blue eyes reflect his pain back at him, and so he remained still.

Luna turned and for a split second Remus imagined that she would walk back out of the room, scornful of the pathetic sight he made, and the idea made him feel as though his heart pumped ice through his veins. There was a slight incline in the couch as a second weight, slighter than his own, joined Remus. He felt her lift the tumbler from his grasp and did not resist as Luna placed it on the floor; judging by how vague and liquid his surroundings had become, Remus knew he had drank enough.

"Will you show it to me please?" There was no ridicule in her tone, only mild curiosity. Remus slid the album to sit on his lap so that Luna could have a better view of the pictures. She slipped her hand into his and trailed patterns on the inside of his wrist with her fingertips. Remus struggled not to jerk or make any sudden movement to show his surprise.

"Of course." Remus turned back to the start and began, pointing to the pictures and their occupants in turn. "It was somewhere between Halloween and Christmas of our first year when that was taken. There's James, Sirius and Peter. There's Sirius with Mary MacDonald at Hogsmeade – for a while in our third year they were an item, but Sirius was... ah... not yet suited for monogamy."

"Oh. Who did he end up with next?" Luna examined the photo of the Gryffindors in their year with interest – it had been taken after a quidditch match – as though trying to determine who had been tempting enough to lure Sirius away from Mary's broad grin and brown curls.

"I believe it would be quicker for me to tell you who all Sirius _didn't_ end up with." He smiled, recalling his friend's antics with the fairer sex. Luna turned to look at him, her eyebrows raised in a silent question. "At first his attempts to woo the girls were unsuccessful, but after he grew into his looks and learned that women didn't share his sense of humour and toned it down in front of them, he was extremely popular. Even Lily Evans went for him, although that had more to do with annoying James than anything else..."

They continued in this vein, Remus explaining the contents of a photo and Luna asking some introspective questions in between. As they grew more comfortable together, Luna leant against his side and used his shoulder for a pillow. When he closed the book over, feeling calmer and more at peace with the world than he had done in months, Remus noticed that somewhere along the lines his hand had ended up around her waist.

"You miss them all the time." It wasn't phrased as a question.

"Yes. Yes, I do." He remained where he was, with Luna warm and soft against his side. Remus toyed with the woolly hem of her newly acquired Weasley jumper, inadvertently noticing how thin she had become underneath its baggy contours. He held on to her more tightly, worried that her slender frame might disappear. "And I'm going to look after you like you've looked after me, because I don't want to let you go too."

"Only if you want to." Luna yawned, covering her mouth with one hand, and nestled into his side.

"I'm going to take care of you." He spoke with the same resolve that convincing Sirius and James not to pull a prank had required.

"That's nice..." Close to sleep, Luna's voice was barely a murmur. It provided Remus no end of amazement that she understood exactly what he was and still perfectly at ease with him. "I'd like that."

Remus listened as her breathing evened out before summoning a blanket to drape over them both. He planted a gentle kiss against Luna's ear, the only part of her head he could reach without disturbing her.

"Somehow you've become everything to me." He whispered the revelation into her hair. The words felt no more real for having been spoken. Remus knew that he cared deeply for the witch sleeping in his arms, but would not, _could not_, examine how.

Not once did his usual nightmares disturb him as he slept.

**OoOoO**

The greatest test of their friendship came at the next full moon. He had felt himself growing restless in the days leading up to his transformation, and she wandered around the garden with him, following his footsteps around a circuit that was too small to alleviate the tension in his body. She had followed his sporadic sleep patterns, staying up all night listening to him talk and eating with him – since the evening with the photo album, Luna had eaten more without prompting and seemed, to his relief, enjoyed it – which made Remus feel less alone than he had since the loss of his fellow Marauders. He was glad to have her by his side, especially to share a last early dinner before he was confined, but Remus also dreaded her reaction to the wolf.

He didn't know how he'd get by without her presence to avert his attention from the ever deteriorating conflict. Luna's otherworldliness and unswerving brand of shy sweetness made her a balm for his spirit in these troubled times. Her friendship allowed Remus to remain focused on some goodness in the midst of the war.

"Are you feeling alright, Remus?" She gave him a tentative smile, wary of his temper. Remus sighed deeply, instantly regretting how touchy he had been about his lycanthropy.

"I'm better than normal, thanks to you." He flicked his wand and watched as the pile of dishes by the sink began to go through the cleaning process. Luna was drinking from a mug of nettle tea, and had charmed the dandelions she had picked that morning to orbit around her head – until she had appeared with them at breakfast Remus had been ignorant of the theory backing their supposedly revitalising properties. Although Luna did look rather lovely with bright flowers flying past her face, the aesthetic value of what he had once considered nothing more than a weed was all she had managed to convince Remus of. "So what are the flowers for, then?"

She smiled as though contemplating something wonderful. Remus tried to imagine what Luna could be planning, wondering vaguely if she was planning to decorate the house with them in an effort to boost morale. He watched with satisfaction as the last of the dishes, now clean, floated into the cupboard. Perhaps Molly was the resident domestic goddess, but it didn't mean that others couldn't pitch in.

"To give me energy." Luna took a final sip of her tea and sent it to the sink. "I'm going to stay with you while you're in your cage." Remus went cold all over.

"Absolutely _not_." He placed his hands on the counter and looked out of the window, onto the garden where they had first become friends, so as not to let Luna see how much the idea had disconcerted him. "It's too great a risk, Luna. I appreciate your concern, but nobody should be exposed to a fully grown werewolf."

"I'd be perfectly safe. Kingsley and Madam Pomfrey come to watch over you, and you've never managed to escape or injure them." She tilted her head to the side, causing her halo of dandelions to alter their pattern.

"A highly trainer auror and a skilled medi-witch." He couldn't keep the ire from his voice; there was no prospect more discomfiting to Remus than having the young woman who was quickly becoming his closest friend seeing him as a mindless, snarling beast.

"Charms and shields will be in place to keep you inside, and I'll be with you the entire time." Luna placed a hand on his arm, which was rigid with tension. Remus pulled away. He didn't know what to say or do, and he couldn't concentrate with the dandelions so close to his face. "You don't have to be alone, you know."

The soft lilt of her voice was what caused him to snap.

"Luna, what you are suggesting is, quite frankly, insane." Remus knew that he had raised his voice, and that it was unnecessary, but it felt good. A part of him experienced remorse as Luna's face fell, and yet he had to make her understand: if he hurt her – sweet, gentle, Luna – then Remus could never live with himself. "It's complete _madness_."

Her eyes watered, but Luna did not cry. The flowers fell to the ground, limp. Remus was flooded with regret for his jibe at her sanity, recalling the horror stories whispered to him in the night of how she was bullied for being Loony Lovegood. She pressed her lips together and did not look at him.

"I have to go upstairs and feed the nargles, now." Luna's voice remained level, yet her tone had taken on an aloof quality. When she passed him, Remus made to grasp at her arm, but she swerved gracefully around the kitchen table to avoid him and walked out. There was something brittle about the sight of her retreating back. His hand clenched around the air that had, moments ago, been filled by Luna.

Remus sat back down and picked up the dandelions, lining them up on the table before him as he worked up the courage to apologise. He brushed the petals with the tip of his finger, thinking fondly of the whimsical nature of the girl who had picked them. Footsteps sounded behind him. His heart leapt.

"Evening, Remus." Kingsley stood in the doorway, regarding him warmly. Although his voice was rich and melodious, it was not what Remus had hoped for. "I think it would be wise for you to go downstairs now."

"Of course." He wouldn't have time to find Luna and apologise. _There was no chance of her coming to him now_. Remus ran some water into a glass and put each of the dandelions into it, arranging them with care. Waving his wand, Remus cast a charm on the impromptu arrangement. He handed his wand to Kingsley and headed to the basement.

"I am sorry that I have to do this, my friend." Kingsley pulled the door to the cage closed, locked it, and began to activate the wards surrounding it. A weak strip of sunlight on the floor told Remus what he already knew: there was little time left.

"You have nothing to apologise for. I'm endlessly grateful to you." Remus paced back and forth, sensing the changes that would soon begin. He clenched his jaw. "Could you do me a favour and make sure that Miss Lovegood's alright?"

"Luna?" Kingsley's expression didn't change. He cast a series of complex charms on the bars, adding to their already considerable strength. "Certainly."

"Thank you." His head was beginning to pound. Remus sat down on the dusty wooden floor, fingering the deep grooves left by the wolf's claws. The pain in his stomach spread outwards and Remus didn't hear what Kingsley said in response.

Remus' insides were twisting.

Blurring lights passed before his eyes.

His felt as though he was drowning.

Everything became warped.

He ached until he was no more.

The wolf howled, a hair-raising sound that ended with a hint of a whimper, as though it was conscious of the regret felt by the man inside.

**OoOoO**

Remus opened his eyes. He could see the bars of his cage, the brick walls of the basement and his own arm, angry red marks scored along his skin. Every fibre of his being ached. He could feel sunlight warming his back.

"You've got a loyal friend out there." Although he was facing the other direction, years of their familiar routine allowed Remus to recognise the speaker as Madam Pomfrey. Through the muddle of his thoughts, Remus allowed himself to feel hope. He wanted to enquire more about Luna. Instead he groaned. "Miss Lovegood's set up quite a nest out there, blankets, cushions and what not, and it looks as though she slept just outside the door."

Madam Pomfrey spoke as she checked up on him. Normally her mundane chatter was designed to set him at ease, and so he allowed it to wash over him without taking it in, but now he listened, remaining as alert as possible. Never before had it felt as though her familiar prodding and casting taken so long.

"She'll be anxious to see you looking better." The medi-witch squeezed his shoulder affectionately, watching as he drank every drop of the pain relief potion she held to his mouth.

Despite his frustration at being unable to see Luna, to apologise, Remus felt more comfortable for having a clean pair of cotton pyjamas. He allowed Madam Pomfrey to support him, and slowly they progressed towards the fireplace. Once during his childhood, Remus had glimpsed a muggle torture device: the rack. He imagined that this was what its victims felt like afterwards.

"Is she... Is Luna still there?" Remus balanced himself against the wall as Madam Pomfrey took out floo powder from a pouch on her robe and tossed it into the flames.

"No. She's waiting for you." She helped Remus into the fire and stepped back, looking suspiciously happy about something. He had no time to ask what, as she named the wing of the house he inhabited before the question had even formed in his mind. Disoriented from the floo network, Remus stumbled from the fireplace and collided with a small, slim body. Luna maintained her grip on him and led Remus farther into the room, supporting him with surprising strength. With her assistance he sank down onto his bed, exhausted by his brief journey. He watched as Luna tucked the covers around him, noticing for the first time that she was dressed in an indigo night gown with her Weasley jumper on top, for once wearing a pair of mismatched socks.

"Luna?" He tried to sit up, and she slid another pillow underneath his back. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that-"

"It's fine." She smiled brightly, bringing her hand to rest on top of his. Remus knew full well that it wasn't _fine_ – he would speak to her again once he was feeling stronger."Honestly. Is there anything I can get you?"

"Water, please." Remus was half asleep already. He wanted to ease his throat, sore after a night of growling and grunting. The curtains were half closed, drawing the room from total darkness. It was so comfortable and peaceful that Remus could have jumped for hoy, had he not been incapacitated. Luna stood and went to his chest of drawers, pouring some water from a jug into a glass. Her hair glowed as she passed through the shaft of light, and ever so briefly, Remus allowed himself to consider how beautiful she really was. Luna sat back on the bed, careful not to jostle him, and held the glass up for Remus to drink. "Thank you."

He watched as Luna considered his words, frowning intently. After a moment it dawned on her why Remus had expressed gratitude.

"Oh, you really don't need to say that." She shook her head emphatically. "It's just what friends do, or at least that's what I _think_ they do. It seems like a good idea, anyway."

Remus wasn't sure how to respond to this. He took her hand in his and lifted it to his lips. Gently, he kissed the open palm of her hand.

"I really do adore you, Luna. I couldn't wish for a better friend." For once it seemed that someone else had stunned Luna into silence. She blushed prettily and looked down at her lap. Content, Remus closed his eyes and allowed himself to be carried away by sleep.

**OoOoO**

His relationship with Luna was more than Remus had ever imagined experiencing again, and yet he found that it was bringing him almost as much heartache as joy. His feelings, he knew, were wildly inappropriate. It was wrong for a man, _who was not even a man_, to long for a witch as young, as unique, as precious as Luna Lovegood. Friendship was one thing, but Remus knew it was too much to expect of even someone with Luna's singular perspective to return his feelings. With one of her beguiling smiles, Luna could have any man. _Why would she choose the stigma attached to loving a werewolf? _It was too painful to mull over for any great length of time, so Remus returned his attention to the pages of his book – or tried to.

Beside him sat Luna Lovegood, writing furiously. There was a fleck of ink on her cheek, to which Luna was oblivious as she worked on her article for _The Quibbler_. She had, supposedly, seen a Blibbering Humdinger, and was in a frenzy to record her findings _'before and Wrackspurts could eat at her memories'_. A part of Remus suspected that her urgency was partly fuelled by Molly Weasley's attempt to corner her after dinner in an effort to make Luna talk about her imprisonment. If there was one thing he knew about Luna, it was that she did everything in her own time. However, there were many things Remus wasn't so sure of.

For the most part he assumed, more for his own sanity than because Luna had ever shown herself to be anything less than insightful, that she was oblivious to his feelings for her. But there were moments, brief and brilliant, when Remus dared to imagine that not only was she aware of them but returned his affections; a lingering look, a shy smile, the way her hand would slip into his at the most unexpected of times.

Giving up altogether on his book, Remus watched as Luna wrote her piece. She set her quill down and frowned intently, scanning the parchment for mistakes. A couple of times she scratched out a word or a phrase and replaced it. The ink glistened as it caught the light.

"Remus?" He looked up, feeling guilty for having pretended to be reading his book to disguise the way he had been observing her. "There's something I should tell you."

Her expression was unreadable. Luna got to her feet and walked past the bookshelves, brushing the spines with her fingers. It was evident to Remus that she was upset. He could see the tension in her slight frame even if she was facing the other direction. Concerned, Remus followed her. He reached out and placed a tentative hand on her back, a silent gesture of support.

"After a while, I stopped believing I'd ever be free again. It was very cold – Mr Ollivander was quite ill because of it. He coughed in his sleep – and I thought that I could smell peat. To stop each other from going mad, we told stories; some were about our lives, and others were about things we'd imagined." Luna's voice was uncharacteristically expressionless and flat as she spoke. He wanted to hold her desperately, although Remus doubted that she would appreciate being crowded as she told her story. He settled for stroking her back the same way he had on the night they had first become friends. "I was terrified that he was going to die. Partly because we became close, but mostly because I didn't want to be alone."

"That's more than reasonable, sweetheart. Thank you for trusting me." Luna turned and stepped into his arms. He kissed the top of her head, unable to resist the temptation. "I promise you, it's completely understandable."

"You think so?" Luna sounded closer to her usual, philosophical musing for his opinion. "Then perhaps it's true."

Remus snorted in amusement, giving her a final squeeze before heading back to the couch. As was becoming their tradition, Luna rested against his side.

"I'm glad that you think so highly of my opinion." She smiled, but did not join in his laughter. He watched her carefully. "Is there anything else that you'd like to tell me, Luna?"

"I'm not sure whether I'd like to tell you or not. Yes and no."

"What do you mean?" There was nothing else he could think immediately of that should be causing Luna any more worry. Remus was puzzled.

"Well, whether or not I'd _like_ to tell you has little to no bearing on whether or not I _ought_ to. I'm not convinced that it's fair to keep it from you, but it could change so much..." Luna sighed, and he wondered if she realised how cryptic that she was being. "It's all very difficult."

"You _can_ tell me, but that has little to no bearing on whether or not you _will_." His quip had the intended effect, drawing Luna from her thoughts.

"Alright. If need be, then I can ask the Blibbering Humdingers to erase all of this from both of our memories." Luna's expression was firm, however Remus was too tired to pretend that he understood what she was talking about. He settled for nodding in agreement.

Luna turned to face him, shifting so that she sat on her knees. Her hands were clenched on her lap. Before Remus could so much as guess what it was that she was going to tell him, Luna had leant across the space between them and kissed him on the lips. She pulled back slightly, the intensity of her eyes dazzling Remus.

"I love you." She smiled shyly and kissed him again. Remus had often considered what it would be like to be engaged in such an embrace with Luna Lovegood, but his imagination had never produced anything as delicious as the reality. He wrapped an arm around her waist and savoured the moment, committing ever detail – how smooth her skin was, the way her fingers felt against the back of his neck – to memory. Had it not been for the nagging voice in the back of his mind, Remus could have continued until he was all but starved of air.

"Wait." His self control nearly snapped as Luna leant towards him. "We can't._ I _can't."

"We just did." It didn't seem as though Luna shared his qualms about what they had done. Remus wondered how much she had thought about them.

"Yes, and it was very nice, but it can't go any further." Never had it bothered Remus so deeply that he couldn't have a proper relationship, but it wouldn't be fair on Luna. She deserved to find someone more suitable who could make her happy.

"Why not? There's nothing to stop us." Luna continued watching him.

"Yes there is, Luna. There are so many things. What would your friends say if you announced that you were seeing me? What would Ginny say? And what about your father?" Remus regretted using Xenophilius Lovegood as an example of why they should not pursue a relationship; there was no telling what the eccentric old wizard would come out with. He pressed on before she could tempt him into reconsidering. "Think of the way people would judge you for loving a werewolf – you'd be shunned for it. And I'm far too old. Do you see now?"

"No." Luna bit her lip, staring at something Remus couldn't see. "I don't, because you feel it too, and that's what matters."

Stunned, Remus didn't resist as she kissed him again.

"Didn't you listen to a word I said?" Remus stood and paced before the fireplace.

"I did. Don't you think I'm used to being marked out as the strange one by now? And I honestly don't mind what people think, because I like the person I am. I really do. I need you to answer one question for me." Luna barred his path. It was impossible for Remus to say if she looked vulnerable or fearless. _Both_. "Do you have feelings for me?"

"Yes." Remus caressed her cheek, unable to hurt Luna by telling her otherwise. "I love you."

She looked so pleased that Remus couldn't bring himself to regret conceding this vital piece of information. It was the happiest he had seen anyone looking since Bill and Fleur's wedding.

"Then that's all I care about." Luna took both of his hands in hers. "I wasn't sure if I'd ever find anything like this. We- we definitely love each other, and it would be foolish to let that go."

There wasn't a part of him that could fault her logic, however bizarre, as they kissed again.

**OoOoO**

The war drew ever closer, and Remus spent whatever scant moments of free time he had with Luna. Before anyone was quite ready for it to happen, the battle commenced and the Order of the Phoenix was summoned to Hogwarts to fight. As a member of the DA, Luna was already in the Room of requirement when he was given the signal. Remus had expected her to have remained in the protection of Headquarters, and was aghast when he saw her sitting in the corner and listening to Harry, Ron and Hermione. He crossed the room before anyone could distract him and ushered Luna into an alcove for privacy.

"What are you doing here?" Remus whispered, despite his fear, so that their conversation would remain unnoticed, but it was doubtful that anything they said could be heard over the cacophony of alarmed discussions.

"Waiting, mostly. What about you?" Luna seemed to be interested in the answer he was going to give, and he suppressed a stab of irritation.

"I'm going to fight, but not until you promise me that you'll remain here. I need to know that you're safe, Luna." Remus was desperate for her to understand exactly how much it meant to him that she remained out of the battle.

"I can't promise you anything of the sort, and you know it. I love you, Remus, but I need to fight for what's important to me just as much as you do. I may be young, but I could lose just as much as you." There was a steely look in her eyes that Remus had never seen before.

"Alright, let's go down stairs and meet with the aurors and Professor McGonagall." Arthur Weasley's voice, magically amplified, interrupted his thoughts. There wasn't time to wear down Luna's resolve.

Instinctively, Remus wrapped his arms around her and they shared a final, nervous kiss. _He didn't want it to be their last._

"Please, please stay here." He held her shoulders, willing the words to change her mind. "I love you."

**OoOoO**

_Chaos_. That was the only word Remus could think of to describe the aftermath of the battle. Everywhere he looked, people were celebrating, screaming, consoling others, and searching for their loved ones. It was pandemonium and there was no respite anywhere. They had won. _It wouldn't matter, without Luna_. He raced through the debris, determined to find her alive and well, perhaps smiling benignly at her surroundings.

"It's over, Remus. We've won!" Ginny Weasley caught hold of his arm and did a celebratory dance. It was doubtful she knew that her brother was lying dead in the great hall, but he hadn't the spirit to tell her.

"Ginny, listen to me." She continued jumping and yelling in delight. Impatient, Remus spoke more loudly, tugging himself free of her grasp. "Have you seen Luna anywhere?"

"Luna?" She ceased prancing, considering her closest friend. "Not since she and Harry left for Ravenclaw Tower. She was supposed to come back. You don't think... you don't think anything's happened to her, do you?" Remus felt as though his insides had been coated in lead. _Luna had left the Room of Requirement._ He couldn't breathe. "Are you alright, Remus? You're looking awfully pale."

"I'm quite alright. I, ah, I have to find her." Pulling away from the youngest Wesley, Remus hurried down the stairs as quickly as his legs could carry him, realising that he might have left Luna behind. He went into the Great Hall, walking as though Lord Voldemort had returned to life and was hunting him personally. Remus was just about to ask one of the Patil twins – he couldn't tell which one, because she wasn't wearing school robes – when he caught sight of her. Luna was sitting on a table top, Neville Longbottom eying the leg propped up on the bench anxiously. She looked shell shocked.

"Remus!" She hopped down from the surface, wincing as her weight landed on what he now realised was an injury. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted Luna up off her feet, placing her back on the bench. "I'm so glad that you're alive."

"I was terrified that you'd been killed." He kissed Luna, not caring that they were dirty, tired and in company. "Your leg was hurt?"

"Yes. I didn't notice that the stairs were moving when I was fighting with Yaxley, and I fell." She smiled brightly. "It's not broken, though. Neville checked."

For the first time since being reunited with Luna, Remus realised that they were being observed. Neville shuffled from foot to foot, staring down at the bench, where their hands were clasped.

"Hello Neville." Remus coughed, uncomfortable that such a public moment had been witnessed.

"Professor Lupin." He was bright red, avoiding looking Remus in the eye. "I think Luna needs to go to the hospital wing to get that treated." He nodded towards her leg.

"That would be an excellent plan." Wishing that he'd thought of it sooner, Remus scooped Luna up from the table and began to work his way through the crowds.

"Goodbye, Neville." Apparently unfazed by the way one of her closest friends was scrutinising them, Luna waved over his shoulder until she could no longer see Neville. She looked up at Remus, amusement sparkling behind her eyes in a way that was reminiscent of Albus Dumbledore. Perhaps she really didn't care what people would inevitably say about them, because it was undeniable that Luna was canny enough to know that there would be talk. "You don't have to carry me, you know. If you hold on to my arm then I think I'd be alright."

Remus laughed.

"I'd do anything for you." All of the pain, the death and the horror they had endured was worth it for the future that he had with Luna, and for all of the other people who had as much to live for.

**OoOoO**

**Thanks for reading. Please review!**


End file.
